I will not be afraid of women

Yesterday I made my first appointment to look at wedding dresses. And then, I hung up the phone and promptly burst into a cold sweat.

I am not freaked out by the getting married part of this whole wedding thing. But I am freaked out by the "wedding" part, particularly the "wedding dress" part. I am scared of the women who work in these wedding dress shops who will try to make me spend more than I want on a puffy, white, beaded cloud that will make me unrecognizable. Frankly, I'm not even 100% sure I want to get married in white (or ivory/cream/diamond/ecru/champagne/whatever).

In two weeks we have the mega-wedding-dress-shopping weekend. My parents are coming to town, so Mom will be with me the whole time. Sometimes my grandmother or my aunt will be with me as well. They are all pretty sensible people, so I'm hoping they'll help me shoo away the poof. Because I don't want the dress to weigh more than I do.

Today I slept in

Today I slept in until 11 am. It was amazing. Since my last weekend of my medicine AI was my "black" weekend (on call from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon), I have not had a day off in two weeks. Also, I didn't sleep post-call last weekend because a friend was in town (hi, Alex!) and I had coffee with him. It was worth it, but did not help the sleep count.

But, guess what! My medicine AI is over! Yay!!! (Note the appropriate spelling of "yay," Jan.) Now I'm back on pregnancy and babies (maternal fetal medicine elective) for two weeks. On Monday, the first thing I did was a C section at 7:30, and as my scalpel hit skin for the first time in months, something inside me breathed a sigh of relief. That's right. I hated last month, not because I hate medicine, but because it is not the sort of medicine I'm supposed to be practicing. This is. While I've been getting up at 4:15 most mornings, I don't care. This is better.

And now, three day weekend! I'll probably go in at some point today because my attending has a patient delivering, and he usually calls his students to come in for the delivery. But, still, three days in a row to sleep in. It is amazing. And he usually lets me do the delivery practically on my own, so it is totally worth it to go in.

Oh, and by the way, I'm applying to residency in, um, three days. The real action doesn't get going for a bit longer, but the application will be submitted. Whee! Or something.

...

Stephanie Tubbs Jones died today of a ruptured brain aneurysm. She was driving in Cleveland Heights when that errant vessel gave way; that's how close to home this is, literally.

Just like with Wellstone, there isn't a lot to say that would be appropriate. Cleveland, Ohio, the U.S., anyone who calls themselves a liberal... We are hurting today.

For those of you keeping score, I have 11 days left of this rotation and 3 more calls. Call = staying overnight = 31 hour shifts (oops! I mean "30" hours, ACGME). Last time I was on call I got 45 minutes of sleep. And during those 45 minutes the Family Medicine resident in the call room next to mine was doing a pretty poor job of answering his pages promptly, so his pager kept beeping and beeping.

So far, I haven't actually lashed out at anyone, but let me tell you something. There is very little that makes me angrier than when I am post-call but still about 6 hours away from going home and I am on the elevator with people who are not physicians or medical students and they are complaining about having to work a 12 hour shift that day. Come on, I worked 12.5 hours today and it was my short day. I never express that anger, because I know this schedule is my own fault. Yes, I'm paying for the privilege to work like this. I chose this. But, still, could you people wait to complain about your tough schedules until there is not some half-dead medical student slumped against the elevator wall? You've been around. You know the signs of post-call misery. Show some tact.

Today my intern said that he sensed some frustration and anger beneath the surface in me. I wonder what he meant.

Compromise

Or...I can do a different style. Instead of "information" and "updates" and "pictures," this blog will maybe be a place to whine, short form style. Yes?

(Okay, brief update: went to T&J's wedding (awesome! beautiful! yay, T&J!), studied for Step 2, took Step 2, went to California, ate at the French Laundry (oh.my.god.), met Brandon's extended family, came back, started my Internal Medicine Acting Internship, cried a little.) More on all that later. Maybe.

So, someone in the Ravelry wedding forum mentioned that white dresses for weddings were for people to show off their wealth, in that they can afford a seriously impractical and easily made dirty garment. White is not a practical color when around mess. So....why the white coats for doctors, people? Seriously? Gross.

Also, when you give a guy a hefty dose of narcotics and then wake him up from a deep sleep, and he can't remember your name, but pretty much knows where he is and what's going on, do not page me worrying about his mental status. Trust me, when you wake me up, that patient is going to be a lot more oriented than I am. Then, I will drag myself across the hospital to go see said patient, and (with my senior) give him the life-threatening diagnosis of "sleepy."

See you in a month

I can't pretend. This isn't happening right now. I'm on my medicine acting internship and it is EATING MY SOUL. Luckily, I have a plucky little soul, so I expect to make it through okay, but there will be no blogging in the meantime. Probably. See you August 25th or so.

In the meantime, entertain yourself with this:

http://www.feministing.com/cgi-bin/movabletype/mt-search.fcgi?IncludeBlogs=2&search=Sarah+Haskins