Sunday, January 18, 2009

Progress?

In less than four months, I will be a doctor. Sure, people call me "Doctor" already (usually followed by, "You gotta help me...the pain" since I'm in the ED), but it isn't true. Soon, it will be. That's....weird.

There are things that I do now, kind of without thinking about it, that I would never have dreamed of doing four years ago. Things that even one year ago, my hands would have been shaking as I reached to do them. In one ED shift, I performed a pelvic exam on a woman who was in a lot of pain, did rectals on multiple constipated infants (sorry, babies!), helped splint a guy's broken hand (after he punched it through a window - brilliant), and threw all my strength into chest compressions on a man who I watched die moments later. When the old, substance-dependent guys thought that telling me I was pretty would help them get more pain meds, I was more firm, more confident with them than I used to be. I wasn't scared.

I fully expect to be terrified on my first day of internship. They say you should walk in on your first day ready to do a Cesarean section start to finish. Right now, I think I could. I've first assisted - found the fascial planes with my fingers, reached into the uterus and found a small head. But I don't know. I think I'm ready to be a doctor. I know that, with time, I'm going to be a great doctor. But right now, it's kind of scary.

5 comments:

twinsetellen said...

I know that you're going to be a great doctor, too. It is thrilling to watch that doctor emerge.

Liz M. C. S. said...

I'll let you Cesarean me any day (except for every day during which I'm not pregnant, because then the Cesarean would be a little pointless).

Kathy said...

You are not going to be a good doctor - you are going to be a great doctor - the kind who cares about people, takes the time to communicate, and appreciates the privilege it is to receive the trust and confidence of your patients.

twinsetjan said...

I'd say you're ahead of the game on President Obama's call to service. I have no doubt that you'll be a great doctor trying to make a difference and not in it for yourself.

Paula said...

You've always wanted to do this for all the right reasons. It's been a joy to watch you go through all of the steps to achieve your goal. Marty and I are so proud of you!